Let’s face it. No one actually enjoys being the third wheel on a date. You can be with your best friend, whom you love to pieces, and their fling-of-the-month, whom you tolerate, but you will never enjoy it as much as just being with your friend. You have to find ways of entertaining yourself when they start talking about how beautiful each other’s eyes are. You turn to staring at the walls, your shoes, your phone, and as a last resort, you excuse yourself to the bathroom to stare in the mirror and contemplate your decision to go out that night. But when you return, they include you in the conversation again and you have a good time, falling asleep that night glad you went out.
This is the life we sign up for when we decide to marry a landscape photographer. Except we third wheel with a camera rather than another person.
The Backstory:
Now, initially, I loved going with him on photography trips. We met on an internship in Sicily, Italy, so travelling to photogenic places was fun for everyone. Our first year together was spent long distance, so when he came to visit, we would go to the coast or the mountain and I loved watching him experience these places I had grown up with for the first time. He took his camera, but he was conscious of the limited time we had together and kept it short.
Now, almost 5 years later, it’s a different story. We go to the same stretch of beach because the waves or tide is different than before. We get up early for fog in the forest for the hundredth time. I have learned that these trips aren’t about my comfort or enjoyment.They are about the happiness of my husband. So I go with him because I love the time spent together. I stick out the photography part so that I can earn my reward of dinner or breakfast at one of our favorite spots (because we go to the same locations A LOT).
So, reader, here a couple tips I have for you to help you avoid having the same fights we have had over being the third wheel.
Top Tips:
The Falling Giraffe
Take a book. And snacks. I always take a book when we go into the forest because I don’t find it very interesting to look at or explore on my own while I wait. I also always take snacks. Photography can take a while, and dinner or breakfast still might be a while away. Your photographer will be thankful that you didn’t get hangry (hungry and angry at the same time) during their trip. You will be happier too, because you won’t be so focussed on the light at the end of the tunnel and can stay more present.
Wear too many layers. You will thank me when it’s still 45 minutes until sunrise in the middle of winter on the side of a mountain. You think your thermal underwear, long sleeve shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, NorthFace, and windbreaker are enough? Think again. Put on another two layers. Also, put on like four pairs of socks. You’ll thank me later.
Make a deal. Remember when I said I earn a reward and you probably thought that that sounded like my husband married a six year old? Sorry not sorry. I am motivated by good food and he knows that. So in order for him to get a buddy on his trip, he promises me my favorite food. It’s a great deal for everyone. Find what motivates you, and then make that deal.
Take an interest. I know what you are thinking. “You sound like a terrible wife! Put on your big girl pants and just go with him! Just stay home if you hate it so much!” To which I say, I don’t actually hate going. Most of the time. The times I get most into it are when we go to the coast. I love tide pools and could wander through them for hours while he does his thing. He often uses my wandering to his advantage. He tells me what scene he wants, ie. a rock with some color, a starfish, or lines in the sand. I wander ahead and call him over if I find something. In the forest, which is my least favorite place to go with him, I look for weird leaves or mushrooms or watch for hawks. There’s something interesting in every environment. Find it, and it will keep you entertained for at least as long as it takes to find a spot to sit down and read the book that you brought in your backpack.
Take out your phone. Not to Instagram or take a selfie. You can do that later. Take out your phone and take a picture of what you find interesting. On a trip to England, we went to the forest to get some photos. I was bored and unprepared because I was on vacation so I took out my phone. I found a tree that slightly resembled a giraffe and took a picture of it. Was it technically perfect? No. Was it hilarious and memorable? Yes. And that was what I needed at that moment to stay sane.
Closing Thoughts:
And to the photographer who is taking their significant other out into the world as a third wheel to your camera: please look up from the viewfinder once in a while. Look at the stupid mushroom they found. Look at the 5th starfish they want you to look at even though it looks exactly the same as the other four. While you are busy looking at the big, beautiful landscape, we are looking at the small things that are just as worthy of your attention.